For Better or For Worse Page 9

  I knew exactly what he would think about. I didn’t know why he still continued to play house with his wife like everything between them was ok; obviously that was not the case. It couldn’t be, not when he spent so much of his time in my bed. It was more than just sex with us, it was need, and I felt like I needed him inside me. Our relationship was like a drug, I was addicted to this man and he was to me. Yet he refused to drop his unnecessary baggage. He refused to admit to himself that his marriage had run its course; there was nothing else she could do for him, so why did he continue to stay? He couldn’t still possible love her not after all this time. He was so frustrating, I could never truly know how he felt. Damn him, I thought. I tried to hide the anger I felt but it would not subside. We lay there separate despite the fact that just moments ago we were deeply intertwined inside each other.

  I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t deal with him being with me one moment, making me feel like he wanted me then leaving me the next. I needed to know something from him and I needed to know now. “Grant.” I whispered while sliding over and laying on his dark wide chest, his body was truly a work of art, so structured and masculine. I placed so many kisses on his chocolate brown skin I thought I could taste the sweetness. He welcomed me unto his chest coming back to the present after being gone from within his deep thoughts. “Grant, what are we doing?” He looked confused by my question. I lifted my head to face him, “I mean why are you here with me?” He started laughing which threw me off. “I didn’t hear you complaining a few minutes ago. What’s up?” He was joking around but I was very serious, Grant saw the worry on my face and sat up. “Alexia what’s the problem?”

  I licked my dry lips and stared into his handsome face. “Maybe I’m curious as to why…why do you keep coming back to me? Is this just a past time for you? Is it just something to do?” I ducked my head down unable to look at him anymore. “Do you feel something…anything for me?” I don’t know why I was asking him this; maybe I just wanted to know how he feels and where I stand with him. I never got too serious with men especially my age. They never really knew how to handle a relationship or even know what it was like to seriously be in one. But this was different, this felt right. I needed to know did I mean anything to him, something maybe? Grant looked at me as if he was trying to decipher something inside of my eyes, I could tell he was contemplating lying but decided against it like I knew he would.

  I knew one thing I would get from Grant was the truth, blunt, bold, or brash it still would be the truth. He looked away from me for a moment. “I love my wife…But it’s no secret my marriage has hit a wall…I come to you because…because I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to be angry or stressed… don’t want to think about anything….I just want to be here. You feel me?” I don’t know why but every word he was saying had my heart beating fast. I didn’t know whether to be hurt, angry, or indifferent. “I know this is wrong….but I want to be here. Is that ok with you?” He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me with those dark eyes. I liked those eyes and how they would stare at me in the most intimate of times. I laid him back down while I cuddled up on his body; he put his arms around me really tight. He may not have realized it yet but he was mine… this man belonged to me.

  Chapter 11

  I’m leaving

  Lucy

  “Girl I say throw his ass out…show him exactly what he is going to be missing if he don’t get his act together.” Cat preached to me. I sat at my favorite restaurant Desire with my well known crew of friends, Catherine, Destiny, and Alayah. I could no longer pretend that my marriage was fine. Ever since that dreaded night of Grants company dinner, I promised my husband that I would be there for him no matter what and give him all the love and time that he wanted. An impossible mission being that Grant was back to his old ways again. He avoided me as much as possible, refused to come home until late hours, and we hardly talked about the weather let along our marital problems. When I gave up hosting Elites annual party I thought I would be saving my marriage when in turn my marriage was worse off than ever before.

  The only good thing that came out of giving up the party was I was able to reconnect with my son. Little Greg and I spent a good majority of time together playing games, watching Disney movies and going to the park, All the things that every mother should do with their child. If only I could reconnect with my husband as well. I picked over my food while looking at Cat. “C’mon Cat I’m trying to get his attention not a divorce.” I chuckled biting into my salad. Cat looked at me with that girl get it together look, while adjusting her peach fitted dress. I could always count on Cat to give me the real; she was a medium brown sista, who happened to be an accountant with Taylor and Jones firm. Cat was known for being very attractive with a trendy short haircut and a very curvy figure.

  But ever since Todd Randall broke off their engagement; her success rate with men had taken a downward spiral. “Well girl this muthafucka acting like he running things. It’s time to show him who really in charge. I bet if you put his trifling ass back out on the street where you found him he’ll act right then.” I could feel every sting of bitterness on the edge of Cat’s words. I shook my head. “She is right luce, your man is tripping playing these childish ass games, it’s time to do something.” Destiny put in her two cents while sipping on her red wine. “I hear you Des, but I don’t want it to come to that. I’m doing my best to make this man happy… it’s just never good enough.” She put a hand on my shoulder trying to soothe my sad demeanor. “Well until he is ready to listen there’s nothing that can get resolved, especially with him acting so absurd.” Destiny was my oldest and dearest friend, a known counselor of mine for many years.

  She was tall, leggy, and dark skinned with long hair and gray eyes which made her stand out in more ways than one. She looked at me with sorrowful eyes seeing the damage that a man could do to a woman once she gave him her heart. Destiny always had a fear of commitment to a career, home, and especially to men. She figured why put your all into something and watch it shoot to hell and leave you heart broken. All these women were brought here this day to help me find a solution on how to deal with Grant. But I didn’t want leaving my husband to be the only option. I looked in Alayah’s direction; her light brown pretty eyes stared me down and said everything that her mouth didn’t. Being my college roommate, Alayah know more about me and Grant than anyone. And also being the outspoken woman that she was, I knew something was on the edge of her tongue ready to slip. “You there...” I called out to her from across the table. “Mouth all mighty, what is on your mind?” I asked knowing that she was just a brewing over there waiting to talk my ear off.

  She shrugged and took a sip of wine like everything was chill. “Well…”Alayah paused flinging her long wavy brown hair behind her shoulders. “Since it’s my time to talk. I say Grant feels neglected and instead of expressing these feelings to you, he has chosen to do the typical male thing. Pretend that everything is ok while showing uncaring and inconsiderable behavior towards you. He probably desires to torture with his cold demeanor as punishment for your actions then talk about how he truly feels when he gets ready.” She said with the most sincere face. I looked at her confusingly not expecting such insight and nodded, while Cat and Des waited for her to lower the boom. “So you’re going to show me how to get him to talk to me right?” I looked at her waiting for more helpful information. Alayah shook her head. “No, I’m a show you how to put that fool in check. He got something he needs to say to you he can open his damn mouth.”

  We all burst out laughing at our friend’s crudeness. I really should have seen that coming. Destiny cleared her throat. “Lucy girl you have admitted your mistakes and apologized.” “Umm…Hmm.” Alayah and Cat agreed. “You have begged, pleaded, and showed yourself approved.” Alayah took over. Cat held up her glass. “That’s right… And Grant has still has chosen not to cooperate. Now you have tried to treat him like a man but since he wants to act like a boy he shall be tr
eated as such. So that tells me one thing.” I glanced up at all of them, knowing what they were going to say. “It’s time to lay down the hammer girl.” I looked at each of their stern faces and contemplated my decision.

  I headed back to the office and went to work. Now that the annual ball was off my hands I had a lot more free time. I walked into the downstairs ballroom to get a look at how things were coming together. “Ok great you guys, great, everything is looking beautiful.” Meg told all the staff working on the ballroom. The placed was decked out in many shades of blue, silver snowflakes were being decorated and models were being styled creating that whole winter theme. Everything looked so nice; this may be the event of the year.

  “Megan, the designers for the fall collection have brought their preview.” “Ok Patricia, could you put them on my desk please.” “Well look who is running things.” I strolled in complementing Meg’s work. She turned around and smiled at me. To my surprise as well she was looking very much bossed up. In a black blazer, stilettos, and hair pulled back exposing her pretty face. “It’s a tough job somebody has got to do it.” She smiled. I was so proud of her; Meg had finally stepped out of her shell and was handling business like she should. “Well I’m happy for you girl, at least one of us is thriving.” I slouched down in a nearby chair. “Luce, are you regretting giving up the party?” Meg asked pulling up a chair beside me. I looked at her and hoped she could help me. At least guide me to the right decision concerning Grant. “No, I don’t regret giving up the party. I wanted to focus on my marriage and giving up the party was the only way I could do that…just one problem.” “What?” “I need my husband to focus with me.”

  I pulled my hair out of my face, I was so stressed out I was surprised that I wasn’t going bald. “I don’t know Meg, ever since that dinner party he has been on the war path and I understand he is upset but damn. I have apologized, begged, pleaded, and everything. What more does he want?” Meg nodded. “Honey he is probably still hurt over the whole thing, he really wanted you to be there that night.” “But I’m here now…I’m right in front of him willing to do anything he asks.” Meg took a deep breath and looked at me the same way the girls had done earlier. “Well Lucy if he is not complying with you then maybe you need to make some changes…like a change of address.”

  I stared at her wondering is this what it has come down to…me leaving. “Hmm…” was all I could say. Patricia, the new intern walked up to us holding documents in her hand. She was a frail young girl with dirty brown hair and freckles. “Excuse me Mrs. Smith?” Meg and I broke away from our intense conversation. “Oh, yes?” I looked up at her. “Your husband called. He said he would be late coming home tonight.” My sad face grew stern and intense at the sound of that. “What!” The look on my face must have startled her. She looked a tad bit fearful. “Yes, he…uh...he said he had a lot of work to do. And that he would make it home when he could.” “For the third time this week?” Noticing I was getting irate in a room full of my colleagues I decided to calm down. “I’m sorry…please forgive me. Thanks for the message.” She nodded and quickly speed walked out of my sight.

  Meg looked at me this time more sternly. “Lucy this is getting out of hand.” She was right, they all were right, I had enough of this. The truth is I’m at my wits ends about my marriage, Grant refused to seriously talk to me anymore, we have hardly spent any time together, and he would find any reason to avoid being home. Damn, I was really trying to save my marriage but I can’t do it by myself. I just couldn’t understand his actions. I guess he really did want to punish me. He acts like such a damn child. “Hello Lucy.” Megan called out breaking me from my moment of anger. “What...” I said standing and gathering my things. “I said what are you going to do?” She looked really concerned for me. I recollected myself. “Yes…Um I am definitely going to address the situation and some changes are going to be made.” Megan rushed over to hug me before I completely lost my mind in the work place. “That’s so good honey, I hope everything goes well.” I embraced her back and made my way out. Oh yeah, I thought to myself, some changes are definitely going to be made.

  Chapter 12

  It’s over…or is it.

  Grant

  I came in the house around midnight, I left a message at Lucy’s office saying I had to work late for the third time this week. I had been constantly seeing Alexia since the company party a while back. Every time being with her was like a habit I couldn’t break. We found ourselves all over each other at any given moment. It’s been a while since I had a woman so ready and eager to give herself to me at any time and in anyway. She became my fix and when I needed it I got it no matter what I had to do. But things were getting weird now, I feared Alexia may be getting more emotionally involved in our tryst then necessary and to be honest so was I. That’s why I felt so bad after we made love; I was giving her false hope that we could be more than what we already were. And I was hurting myself and my wife by depriving us of working on our marriage.

  I couldn’t deny that Lucy had did a turnaround in the past couple of months and made drastic changes concerning us, giving up her annual end of the year ball came as a complete shock to me. There was not a chance in hell I thought she would have done that and I was seemingly impressed. But damn it I was so angry I didn’t even care. When I thought about it I had been treating her pretty badly for the past weeks now and I know it was killing her. Somehow Alexia had been completely engulfed into my system I didn’t know how to break away from her anymore…and to be honest I didn’t know if I really wanted to. I made my way up the stairs. I figured Greg and Lucy would be asleep by the time I came home. Boy was I in for a surprise. I got to the foot of the stairs and saw two packed suitcases, by the time I got to my bedroom Lucy was already starting on a new bag. She looked up and saw me watching her in complete shock. “In before dawn huh?”

  She smirked at me and continued to pack her things. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” I couldn’t even believe what I was seeing and I was getting really heated right now. She continued to empty her drawers ignoring my presence in the room. “What does it look like? I’m packing.” I stepped closer to her and placed my briefcase and jacket on the bed. “Packing and going where?” My voice got louder, I could tell it shook her but she tried not to show it. Lucy slowly resumed putting her things into the bag. “Look we obviously haven’t been seeing eye to eye for a while now, so I figured we need some distance.” She looked up at me through weary eyes. “Kind of ironic…being that we have been living in the same house and it feels like were miles away.”

  I rubbed the back of my head as I took a seat. This woman and her shenanigans, I thought. “I really don’t want to deal with this shit tonight.” I sighed. She laughed at me condescendingly. “Trust me honey, you got enough shit of your own to deal with.” “What are you talking about?” I said. Lucy shook her head at me. “What am I talking about…What have I been talking about for the past weeks…..not that you have been listening…..You obviously don’t want me here so I’ll give you your space….When you decide you care about our marriage I’ll come back.” I leaned my elbow on my knee, now it was my turn to laugh. “Coming from you that is priceless.” She cut her eyes at me. “Well I’m done talking.” She slammed down the top of her suitcase and zipped it up. I looked at her through narrowed eyes; did she honestly think she was leaving me?

  “You’re not going anywhere.” I told her undoing my cufflinks and tie. Lucy scoffed at my arrogance and grabbed her suitcase from off the bed. “I’ve already called my dad... he’s expecting me and Greg in the morning. So have nice night.” She grabbed the suitcase and headed toward the door; I jumped up and grabbed her arm so quick I almost broke it. She looked at me in shock and tried to snatch away from me, but my grip was too tight. “Let go of me.” I was completely enraged. The nerve of this woman to walk out on me after all the shit I have endured from her these past years…no, hell no, she was not going anywhere and damn sure wasn’t taking my
son to that bastard of a father of hers house. I looked at her, my dark eyes turning extremely cold. “You have got to be out of your damn mind.”

  My grip got tighter and she winced in pain. “Grant you’re hurting me stop!” I ignored her pleading; I couldn’t even hear her cries for help. I was outraged by her audacity to think she could do this to me. “You think you can take my son and just leave….After all I have put up with dealing with you…your bitching, complaining, and ignoring me. How many times did I beg you to come home? Just spend a few hours with me and your son. You acted like I was last damn thing on your mind and now that you have gotten a few doses of your own medicine you want to leave me? Why you ungrateful...” I couldn’t finish my sentence I was practically screaming at her. Lucy was crying now but I refused to release her. “Grant stop!” She begged. “No, what the hell is wrong with you?” My anger had completely taken over me, I became my better judgment became unreachable.

  “Dad” I turned around and saw my little boy looking at me with complete fear and shock in his face. I could tell he was about to cry. I looked at Lucy crying hysterically as I held her limp arm. I released her and she had backed away from me. “Oh my God…I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” I didn’t realize what just happened. What I had done. When I came home and saw her about to leave me I just snapped….everything that had taken place over the past months came back to haunt me, the lying, cheating, and now this. I couldn’t believe how far I had taken things. She had every right to leave me. I looked at Greg still staring at me shaking not knowing what to do; I slowly reached down and picked him up in my arms.