For Better or For Worse Read online

  She slouched back into the seat and muttered. “Cheap ass” “What?” I said catching her comment. Lucy rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “Nothing... Absolutely noth-thing.” Damn, I thought. For someone who grew up in a high end neighborhood she sure new how to act like one of these low class hood rats and if it wasn’t working my nerve. I just shook my head and fought the urge to smack the hell out of her. As we pulled into the parking lot of the Burger Joint things didn’t get any better. Lucy got out of the car slamming the car door (that alone almost got her killed), didn’t even wait for me when she entered the place, and then stomped her feet all the way to the table. What a damn child, thought. I watched her ass as she walked over and took a seat. “Girl you better be glad you fine”, I muttered.

  As she pouted in the corner I could do nothing but stare at her in embarrassment. She wore a cute pink fitted sweater and jeans but her sour mood turned me off. I loosened off my jacket as the waitress came over and took our order. “What can I do for you today?” She had bambi like eyes, full lips, bright skin and long black hair pulled into a ponytail. The burger joint uniform didn’t take away from her looks, she was a cute girl. I smiled at her. “Yeah I would like the burger special with large fires and Coke. What do you want baby?” I said looking over to Lucy. She had her neck twisted and if looks could kill me and the waitress would be dead. Lucy sat up correctly, cleared her throat, and spoke as if she was a first grade teacher. “What I want is a new waitress because obviously this one is serving up more than just food.”

  She said pointing at the waitress. The girl looked offended and stepped back. Her bright and bubbly eyes were now turning cold and I feared the worst. “Excuse me?” The waitress said. I tried to calm the situation. “Lucy what the hell are you doing?” Lucy turned her gaze to me. “I’m not doing anything… yet. But what I am not going to do is sit here and get disrespected while you and this yellow hefa flirt all up in my face. If that’s what’s going down, then I can go home and you and her can go behind a dumpster and handle your business.” Oh my God, I thought. I was absolutely floored by her comments. The waitress was getting heated but wasn’t going to lose her job over nothing. She calmed herself down and tried her hardest to put that nice smile back on her face.

  “Look I don’t have to listen to this…I’ll get someone else to assist you” She walked off to another table not before cutting her eyes at Lucy one good time. “You do that.” Lucy said, ignoring the girl’s gestures and nodded. “And I don’t need this either, take me home… Now!” She got up and stormed out of place, while I sat there wondering how the hell did I get myself involved with this crazy ass female. I saw her standing by the car and let us both in. Once again Lucy slammed the door to prove a point of how mad she was. She was treading on thin ice with that shit. I pulled out of the driveway and got on the main road. “You are stupid as hell do you know that?” She said staring straight at me; I kept my focus on the road. Just take her home, I thought.

  Grant take her home, drop her crazy ass off and never look back. “I am so glad I’m going off to college because you are just a waste of my time.” I just shook my head and focused on the road but Lucy seemed determined for me to go to jail tonight. “You know this is just what I need. I need to leave your trifling ass alone and find me a well-educated brutha who is going places with his life. Who wants to be there for me, support me, take care of me, and hell be a man. Instead of wasting my time with your tired, lying, stupid ole…” I swerved the car of off the road almost making Lucy crash into the window as we entered a vacant lot.

  I looked dead at her unable to maintain my composure any longer. “Ok first of all, I was just trying to spend some time with your crazy ass before you started school…second I don’t need you to be here if you don’t want to be, and dammit to be honest I can’t wait until you leave because clearly you out of your damn m….” It wasn’t a second later until she pressed her lips against mine, crawled over and sat right in my lap. My tongue couldn’t help but mingle with hers, as she got comfortable on my lap. I pressed the seat back giving us more room and buried my hands in her curly hair that always smelt so good, I felt her c cup breast that were making an appearance at this point, and strolled down her perfectly rounded ass.

  Lucy kept swirling her tongue around in my mouth and sat down lower on my pelvic causing my libido to jump. Realizing where this was going I quickly threw her off and back into the passenger seat, while I managed to crawl out of the car. It took a minute before I got the feeling back in my leg and slowly stood up. Lucy and I hadn’t engaged in any type of sex during our relationship so far. She wanted her first time to be special but a second later she would have been in trouble in the backseat. I quickly caught my breath and she stepped out of the car. “What’s wrong with you?” Lucy asked innocently. I looked at her like she was insane. “What’s wrong with me? What the hell do you mean what’s wrong with me...You just have been acting a fool all night then out of nowhere you jump on my sack. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  She took a deep breath and walked closer to me her face was somber and it threw me off. “You are going to forget about me aren’t you?” I rubbed my face trying to understand what she meant. “What?” She eyed me watching my body language intently like some CIA type of shit. “I’m going to go off to college and you are going to forget all about me. You’re going to find some other girl and not give me the time a day. The same way you did at the burger place. I figured the end was coming for us so why not finish it now.” She hung her head down and I saw her blinking back tears. I shook my head and thought, did she really think so little of me? I stood right in front of her and brought her face up to mine. “Woman, how many times do I have to tell you if I wanted somebody else, I’ll go be with them? Just because you’re going off to college doesn’t mean shit? I’m not going anywhere.” She gave me a faint smile, the one I had been waiting to see all night.

  “Unless your ass continues to act crazy like you did tonight.” I said with a stern face. She laughed at her own actions and I shook my head. “It isn’t funny; I could have strangled your ass tonight.” She fell into my arms and gave me a hug. “I’m sorry.” I held her up against the car she gave me the sad eyes which everyone woman did when she knew she was wrong. “You forgive me?” I looked away wanting to make her sweat it out. “I forgive you, but I’m not over it.” She laughed at my mockery and brought my lips down to hers. As my tongue slipped in her mouth my legs went numb again. She broke away from me and asked, “You over it now?” I nodded, “Yeah I’m good.”

  ***

  Lucy

  Grant and I argued for hours last night, this was the second time I had to cancel a business dinner with is coworkers. We spent the whole night yelling to the top of our lungs and not in the good way. Nothing got resolved as usual and I showed up to work looking a hot mess. My light blue button up shirt was not tucked, my navy suit looked wrinkle, and to my own embarrassment I wore the wrong shoes. “Oh honey, you look awful, what happened?” Megan saw as I came in and quickly rushed me to my office not to be seen. I hung my head down in my chair and confessed the whole story. “We’ll have you ever tried listening to his side, he may feel like you’re not there for him.” Megan kept a hand on my shoulder and handed me a tissue while trying to mediate. I groaned and wiped my nose. “Ugh…..What about me?” I shot up from seat and looked at her.

  “Does everyone think I’m so unimportant…..He wanted to move across the country away from my family, friends, my entire life. I did that…..He wanted to have a baby hell I did that too…” Meg watched pitying me as I continued to ramble on. “I do everything he wants but when I try to take a little piece for myself I’m selfish….No, this is where I draw the line, he is not taking my career.” I huffed and puffed and paced back and forth through my office. Damn, I thought. I could give this man one of my kidneys and it still wouldn’t be enough. I was sick of this, always feeling guilty for trying to do something for me. For once in my life can’t
I stop putting others before myself? I reached over and looked into my purse to find an empty body of Advil.

  “Damn.” I yelled throwing my purse at the wall. Megan was in shock. “Luce …honey… listen to yourself.” I looked at her and nodded. “I am …I am going to listen to myself…for once in my life I’m going to listen to myself.” Damn it, I have had enough. This was the most important event in my life and I was not surrendering. Not to him, not to her, not to anybody. “Excuse me ladies,” Gabrielle entered my office and stood in the doorway in awe. Oh shit, how long had she been standing there, I thought. I quickly recomposed myself but it was of no help. “I’m sorry to interrupt this discussion, but I have designers waiting to showcase their work.” Oh damn I remembered we had a meeting for the designers.

  I looked from Gabrielle to Meg and back again. “Yes…Umm…Right this way.” Meg stood up and smoothed back her hair into place. “I’ll talk to you later.” She watched as Gabrielle and I made our exit. I followed Gabrielle to the board room but when I reached for the handle to the door she put her hand on my lower back, pushing past our appointed destination and guided me to a secluded area. “I overheard you conversation.” She said sternly. Her eyes were sharp in a no none sense business fashion. Immediately I was embarrassed. “Gabrielle I’m so sorry I…” “Listen.” She cut me off and brushed lent off her dark designer dress. “Normally I wouldn’t intervene on a situation like this but I hate to see good potential go to waste…” She paused to make sure she had my full attention and when she saw she had, Gabrielle spoke again. “On the rise to the top some people are able to tag along while others…well they fall by the waste side…and sometimes they set up road blocks on the way to success. Now you’re a very smart woman. I’m going to let you think about that for a moment.”

  She put a strand of my hair back in place reminding me she liked order and proper dress in the work place. “I am waiting when you’re ready.” With that Gabrielle went into the boardroom while I stood and thought about my future. I wanted to be successful, I wanted it badly, but I didn’t want to lose my husband along the way. Was I actually considering the unthinkable? I had given up everything to be with Grant. I love him and our family. How could I turn away now? How could I … Oh no, I thought. I rested my hands on the window sill. My instant laughter was turning into soft sobs as tears started to form. I thought about these past few years. And I couldn’t think of one time that I actually enjoyed being outside of work with my family. My work had consumed me, I had become so focused on doing what I wanted to do that I lost sight of the most important thing in the world to me.

  “Like mother like daughter huh?” I muttered. I instantly hated myself knowing that I had did something that I vowed to myself that I would never do…leave my family behind. I took calming breathes trying not to breakdown. Gabrielle was right, after taking a few moments I knew exactly what I had to do. I walked right into the boardroom in front of all my colleagues including Meg and potential designers. They were all waiting to see the showcases for the annual ball that was coming up, that was supposed to be my big coming out event. There were clothes on the racks, models waiting to walk, while everyone else was taking a seat ready to ooh aaah over the new fashion talent. I made my way through all the constant moving workers set on a mission to do what I needed to do. Gabrielle spotted me looking lost among the commotion and motioned for me to come forward where she was. “Natalia come have a seat, we are ready to start.” I nodded and made my way to the podium that was set in front of them.

  “First I have something that I would like to say.” The room grew silent as they all stared at me, Gabrielle grew tense making her beautiful face become stern. She wasn’t a woman for random outburst. I looked down at them and decided before fear set in to go an ahead and get this over with. “Well first I would like to say what an honor it was to be chosen to host the annual ball and I want to thank all of you for your hard work and participation in this event. But….But I am no longer going to host the annual year ball.” Gasp and confused looks filled the room. Even Meg thought I had must have lost my mind standing up there and Gabrielle’s already stern face grew even tenser. “Not that I am not grateful for the opportunity but I have other obligations that are more in need of my attention at this time.” Although heads nodded faces still held the look of confusion. I looked to Meg who eyes had grown softer; she knew exactly what I was saying.

  I continued on. “I believe there is someone else more deserving of this opportunity and she would create greater works than I ever could.” Gabrielle looked toward Meg whose jaw had dropped all the way to the floor then back at me. “She’ll do a great job.” I nodded and came down from the podium. Meg managed to greet me as I got down. “Lucy are you crazy. I can’t take over the ball.” Her green clover eyes were in a panic, it was a different look from her confident model face. I patted her shoulders. “Meg you will do fine. You deserve this, now show them what you got.” Meg really did deserve this opportunity, she was a hard worker, she may not have had that cutthroat type of attitude that I have but she was very creative and people oriented. She shook her head at me. “Luce I don’t know if I can...” “Megan…” We looked over to Gabrielle who stood across the room like stone amongst the chaos. “May I have a word please?” Meg looked to me and I nodded. “Go.” She looked back to Gabrielle.“Yes I’m coming.” As she motioned over to the next level of her career I watched proudly feeling no sense of loss. She turned back to me and mouthed the words thank you. I nodded and watched her go on. Where to next Lucy? I thought. I glanced at all of the workers roaming the board room and then to the exit. Next stop…Home.

  ***

  Lucy/1997

  The music boomed in the two bedroom apartment, there were people crowded around drinking, smoking, and bumping to the beat blasting from the stereos in the small living quarters. One of Grants friends was throwing a party in Cedar Park and Grant and I decided to come through. There were people everywhere from inside, to outside, to on the block just hanging and chatting amongst one another. It was Christmas break for me so I tried to spend as much time as possible with Grant. These few months away from him had become unbearable, although he had made plenty of efforts to call and come see me as much as possible it still wasn’t the same. I needed to be with him in person and what better way to do that than on New Year’s Eve. We made our way to the bartender for the night and he handed us two red cups.

  “Sip it slow.” He told me knowing I was new to drinking. I looked around, everyone seemed pretty chill just feeling the vibe with one another in the ambiance of it all. I wore my best outfit tonight, a silk red dress with matching shoes, my hair was pinned up in a way That Grant wasn’t used to seeing exposing my neck and shoulders. He watched and admired my appearance while I did the same towards him. He wore a black sweater and dark jeans and that Burberry cologne that I loved so much. “You feeling this baby?” he leaned over and whispered in my ear. I looked up at him and nodded. I wasn’t used to the party scenes… especially not house parties having heard horror stories about them, but as long as I was with Grant I didn’t seem to mind. A slow R Kelly song hit the speakers and I couldn’t stop my hips from swaying to that seductive music. Grant took notice, put his hand on my lower back and guided me to the dance floor. I took a sip from my red cup and followed his lead. He pulled me close to the point where his chest was on my back. He placed his strong hands on my belly and kept me close to his body as we moved to the beat.

  I felt his warmth breathe on my neck and cradled his arm. My lips eventually found his and we came together adding another instrument of music to the already playing sounds. I turned and grabbed the back of his head while his hands slid down the slinky silk fabric that covered my body. He pulled away and for a moment and just stared at me with his dark penetrating eyes. “Let’s go somewhere.” He whispered. A cold uncertain feeling entered the pit of my stomach knowing the plans he must have had in my mind for us. I didn’t know if I was ready for what he was aski
ng but my feet still followed. He led me back to one of the empty rooms and closed the door behind us. The drink I had must have been wearing off because I was leery of being in here with him alone. I watched him as walked around me with a smile on his face and his eyes roaming my body slowly. This wasn’t romantic; it was more like a vulture lurking on its prey.

  I felt so uneasy but I didn’t move, Grant approached me from behind and placed gentle kisses on my neck and slid the straps of my dress off. Instantly the gown hit the floor and I stood there with nothing but panties and heels on. He nibbled on my ear and I had to hold on to the sides of his legs trying to keep steady. His hands found their way into my underwear and stroked the softness of my flesh. “Oh God,” managed to escape my lips as Grant went further, I placed my hands on his thighs and dug my nails into his jeans. I rested the back of my head against his chest why he fondled me. As my breast hardened I felt liquid began to pour down thighs it became difficult to breathe, I grabbed his hands stopping the unbearable pleasure. He showed mercy on my inexperienced body and turned me to face him. He planted his lips on to mine and walked me backward; we eased back unto the strange bed while Grant planted sweet kisses on my face, neck, and breast.

  He slid off my underwear and slowly removed my heels one by one. I watched him work like an artist, slowly imagining and creating a master piece. My heart was pounding viciously not knowing what to expect and I feared the rapid beating was going to split my chest open. “Grant...” I barely managed to get out due to the adrenaline rushing through. “Shhh...” he said with a finger to his lips. He removed his shirt and tossed it aside; I tensed up and yet marveled at his beautiful built body. It is one thing to imagine making love to a man but it’s another to actually do it and the anxiety was setting in. Grant undid his belt and as his pants lowered. Unable to take the pressure I decided to speak up as tears spilled form my eyes. “I can’t. I can’t do this…I’m not ready.” I sat up in bed under his disapproving glare. “C’mon luce don’t do this. We have come this far already don’t shut down on me now.” He begged. I shook my head and continued to wipe tears from my eyes. “I can’t, I’m sorry I can’t.” Grant rubbed his hands down his face as if he were trying to snatch the skin off his skull.