For Better or For Worse Read online

  Chapter 15

  Time out

  Grant/2001

  The New York weather was freezing, my bones were sore trying to hold up in the below zero degree weather, I had just got off work and made my way to the apartment Lucy and I shared. It was a little cozy place for the two of us but I wanted more. Our first couple months had been rough, from me paying bills, her adjusting to her classes, and the overall confusion of it all. It was hard for us to get comfortable in a new atmosphere. I made my way inside; Lucy was on the floor near the TV in her NYU sweater and jeans taking notes out of her trigonometry book. She didn’t even acknowledge me as I came in let along give me a hug, kiss, or I missed you baby. I mean damn she could have at least had a meal waiting for me not that expected her to. We had been arguing like crazy lately; the stress of it all was affecting us. I took off my Good and Weldness jacket and took a beer out the fridge and decided to make conversation any way. “Woman, how was your day?”

  She glanced up at me and then back down at her book as if I were unimportant. “Fine.” I nodded. “What did you do?” “I went to class.” Her answers were very short and monotone and were pissing me the hell off, but I continued to be friendly. “Well what did you do in class?” She placed her pencil down in her book and looked at me. “We played duck, duck, goose. What do you think we did...Damn, what is it with all these questions?” I rolled my eyes and went into the kitchen. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was a crime to make conversation with my girlfriend. I thought that is what couples do.” She sighed and looked back at her book. But I really wanted to know what the hell her problem was. “Does it not meet the criteria to ask your woman how her day was in a relationship, to help clean up after one another and cook a damn meal when your man comes home?” I said slamming a plate on the table. She looked at me like I was stupid. “Well excuse the hell out of me for trying to pass my classes and get a degree…Shit. It is not like you are in a financial position to be asking for a housewife.”

  I shot her a cold glare from across the room that made her instantly regret what she just said. How the hell is she gonna talk to me like that? Who did she think was paying these bills here, government cheese? I mean damn, just cause I’m not buying her furs and corvettes all of a sudden I aint shit. I swear this girl is so damn ungrateful. I made my way to the bedroom and took off my work clothes. Lucy stood in the doorway. “What are you doing?” I looked at her and shook my head. “Getting the hell away from you.” “Look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, I know how hard you have been working.” “Then act like it!” I yelled damn near shaking the apartment. She folded her arms across her chest. “Well you don’t always make things easy for me either. I’m stressed out at school, everything’s getting harder, and I just want a little understanding.” I looked at her and rolled my eyes. “No you want someone to hold your hand like you’re a damn child….”

  I picked out one of my button up shirts in the closet. “When are you going to realize the world is not here to bow down at your feet…That no one is going to baby you through life.” Lucy pouted and sat down on the bed while I cleaned up in the bathroom and got ready to go. “Where are you going Grant?” I grabbed my wallet and keys. “Out. I need to find somebody who does appreciate my financial position.” I grabbed my coat and headed for the door leaving her in the bedroom to sulk. There was a little bar out on Fifth Avenue; it played a lot of jazz music there that reminded me of my aunt and uncle’s place back home. The place was filled with smoke and laughter; I sat at the bar trying to disappear from it all. Ella FitzGerald’s summertime rang in my ears as I sipped on my drink. Summertime and the livin' is easy, Fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high, Your daddy's rich and your ma is good lookin', So hush, little baby, baby, don't you cry. I hummed the words trying to take my stress away. In the rim of my glass I noticed a young lady at the bar eyeing me. She was fine, beige skin, sharp eyes, and dark black hair. She was sipping on her martini not stopping her gaze. She gave me a slight smile and I smiled back. One of these mornin's, you're gonna rise up singin', Then you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky.

  As I stared at the beauty I could not strike up the nerve to go to her, in fact the more I looked the more I wanted her to be Lucy. I imagined it was her staring at me. “You wanna another one?” The bartender asked, smiling as if he was reading my thoughts. I shook my head. The beauty continued to stare, eyes begging me to come over and see about her. “On second thought, Mr. Bartender.” I called to get his attention. “Get the young lady over there a second martini.” He nodded and whipped up the drink. She mouthed a thank you my way as she received her second dose of liquid medicine.

  I simply nodded and looked at the rim of my glass. She motioned for me to come over; I threw a twenty on the table, took a deep breath and exited while Ella continued to sang…and I don’t mean sing I mean sang. But 'til that mornin', there is nothin' can harm you, With Daddy and Mummy, Mummy standing by, Don't you, don't you cry. When I arrived home the place was dark and cold. “Lucy….Lucy where you at?” I placed my jacket on the couch and looked for her. I opened the bedroom door and there she lay on the bed while the exact same song from the bar played on the radio.. I kicked off my shoes and lay beside her, Wrapping my arms around her body real tight, and humming in her ear while softly kissing her neck. She pulled closer to me and we drifted off together. But 'til that mornin', there is nothin' can harm you, With Daddy and Mummy, Mummy standing by, Don't you, don't you cry.

  Lucy

  The next couple of months were pure hell. I moved into a Condo in the city and wouldn’t dare return back to my house. I absolutely refused to speak to Grant, I couldn’t even bare to look at him. I immediately filed for divorce not that he would sign the papers which prolonged everything. The only time we did speak was when I had to give little Greg over for visitation. My poor little boy he had no idea why he was being passed around from two different houses, and why his mother suddenly had so much anger for his father. He sat at the kitchen table playing with his dinosaurs, I was busy cooking dinner. I was once again in a foul mood and my son picked up on it. “Mommy, when is daddy coming home?” he asked really wanting to know. I stopped what I was doing knowing I would face this question sooner or later. “I don’t know honey.” I began to tend to the meatloaf but Little Greg wasn’t done.

  “Do you want him to come back.” I took a deep breath and thought about his question. Of course I wanted Grant here with me…with us. But I couldn’t even bring myself to think about that, not after what he had done. My husband was having a child with another woman and it was tearing my heart out. I loved this man more than my own life and he had betrayed me in the worst way. I didn’t see a chance in hell that we could ever get past this. Tears began to sting at my eyes and I fought them away to stay serene in front of my child. “Mommy can’t talk about this right now baby.” I was getting a little unraveled by all the curious questions that a child of his age would want to know, but I was unable to answer. “Mommy do you hate daddy?” My heart broke when I heard his little voice ask me that, I looked back at my son who looked dead at me and wondered to myself did he really believe I hated his father. I took a seat next to him at the table and discussed the situation at hand. “Why did you ask me that?” I spoke softly.

  Greg looked at me with true concern. “You won’t talk to him….You won’t let him come home….you don’t love daddy no more mama.” I couldn’t believe how much my son was noticing. I tried to be a civil as possible with Grant in front of Greg but given the situation how civil could I be. I held his hands in mine and decided to be honest with him about what was going on between me and his father…sort of. “Daddy did something that hurt mommy’s feelings. So he and I have to be apart right now…It’s kind of like when you do something bad and I put you in your room...” He nodded finally able to wrap his young mind around the situation. “Ok…so daddy’s been bad…now he’s in time out?” With nothing else to say I just nodded my head. “Yes son…a ve
ry long time out.” “Ok mommy…” He smiled. “I get it now.” I continued to nod and patted my sons head. I was disappointed in myself knowing I couldn’t keep this separation going on forever. I was completely at a crossword, I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t stand to look at Grant let along talk to him. But this toxic environment was unhealthy for Greg and he was more important than anything. I guess we did need to get something’s straightened out…at least for our son.

  “Why that low down dirty ass dog…” Cat yelled in shock as I broke the news about Grants affair and the baby to the roundtable. I tried to hide my martial problems from the crew as long as I could but my emotions were getting the best of me and I needed some guidance. I had called an emergency meeting with my girls trying to find some help from my friends as to what to do about my broken marriage. Cat leaned back on the couch and folded her arms. “You mean to tell me he got that bitch pregnant?” I leaned my elbows on my knees and wiped tears from my eyes, I was tired of crying about the same damn thing like my tears was going to make this situation any better. “Sad but true huh?” Destiny put her wine glass down on the table. “We are gonna have to make a liquor run because this little wine aint strong enough to handle this shit… Pregnant?” She shook her head. “Damn girl, even I’m speechless.” Alayah looked on in shock. “I don’t understand Luce…” Megan sat up and looked at me. “Just a minute ago you were glowing, you and Grant were better than fine you two were doing great. And now he has been having an affair and the chick is pregnant? How did this happen.” I stood up and poured another glass of wine. “You tell me…A month’s ago I had a husband who I thought loved me and would do anything for me. Now today I have cheating ass bastard with baby on the way.”

  I took a much needed sip of wine. “Damn this really aint strong enough.” Destiny finally spoke up after a moment of silence. “Lucy girl I don’t know what to tell you, this is too much. What are you going to do?” “Leave his ass like we have been telling her. She doesn’t need this.” Cat raved. Destiny shot her a stern look. “Cat.” “She is right…” Alayah budded in. “It’s bad enough Grant had an affair but to have a constant reminder of it…that is a whole other level.” “But that doesn’t mean she just leaves, they have a family.” “Yeah and now he has a baby with another woman.” Meg stood up and addressed me. “Seriously Lucy, this child is going to be a part of him, you will have to deal with this forever, can you handle that?” I looked at them all, each one seeming to think she had the answer to my problems, like they all knew perfectly well what I should do and were waiting for me to step up to the plate. “You don’t think I want to let him go? You don’t think I want to leave him?”

  They all looked at me with pity in their eyes. “It’s not that simple…I want to forget about him, I want to pretend he never existed, I want focus back on my career, I want find some fine ass rich brotha fuck the shit out of him and never think about Grant again. But I can’t.” Cat stood up challenging my feelings. “Why?” “Because I love him. Ok, I love him, he could be gone tomorrow and I’m still going to love him. There’s no changing that.” They all gathered around me teary eyed at my situation. “Lucy if that’s true you have some serious decisions to make.” Destiny put her arm around me. “Lucy whatever decision you make I stand by you honey.” Meg and Alayah came closer. “Yeah me too.” Cat wiped tears away from her face and joined us. “Luce I just want you to be happy. And if Grant makes you happy then honey you have to get past this.” I shook my head. “How…how do I get past this?” I stood there cradled among my friends wondering how make it out of bed in the morning let along come to a decision about Grant.

  Chapter 16

  Take it to the church

  Alexia

  “Do you want the crib right here?” Grant asked me. The pregnancy was moving further along and it was becoming time to set up the baby’s nursery. Although his marriage was falling apart Grant was determined to be a father to our child and I couldn’t help but admire him for that. From what I had heard Lucy had filed for divorce when finding out about me and the baby. But Grant refused to let her have her way. I didn’t understand, this woman clearly could never forgive him for this yet he refused to stop loving her or bringing his family back together. Why couldn’t he realize he had a new family, me and the baby were all he needed. I was putting a baby book back on the shelf and I found it a little difficult with my growing belly. I noticed Grant staring at me the way he used to stare at me when we first met; it was nice to know that even in my pregnant state he still found me attractive.

  I smiled at him and he turned his focus somewhere else. He couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes; I knew the separation from his wife was really weighing on him. I guess the joy of having a child was no comparison to what Grant was losing. He seemed more reachable when I was willing to talk about his problems with him. To be honest, I could really give a damn how he felt about that bitch wife of his. But I like giving him the feeling that he could confide in me. “She is still not speaking to you?” I asked seeming concerned. Grant took a deep breath he knew exactly who I was referring to. “Nope….Only when it’s concerning Greg…other than that I hardly see her.” He stood up after readjusting the crib. I heard so much pain in his voice, it killed me to see him hurting like that, and knowing I would never hurt him. I walked toward him. “I’m sorry Grant.” “Don’t be.” He smiled at me; I had seen that smile before. It always fit well on his handsome face. I don’t know if Grant realized I had feelings for him.

  I don’t think it would even matter. It was clear to me he still wanted his wife as long as his heart was with her there was no chance for us. “Well since everything is set up here I guess I’ll get going.” I frowned and watched him pack up his tools. I didn’t want him to leave, I wanted him to take me into the bedroom and make love to me like I was the only woman in the world he wanted. But that was just my fantasy. “Oh Grant...” I called for him. He turned back to look at me.“Yeah…” “Don’t forget the doctor’s appointment coming up.” He nodded, “Don’t worry I’ll be there.” I smiled and waved him off as he left. I was feeling so much heartache watching him go. I needed him to realize that I could give him everything he needs and that is marriage to his wife was over. I wanted my perfect family and I was going to get it.

  Grant

  I was on my way to Lucy’s condo to pick up little Greg for the weekend, it always irritated me to come here knowing that my wife and son belonged home with me. I reluctantly made my way in the building and down the hall. I knocked on the door expecting to see Mona the babysitter but Lucy came to greet me. I was taken back; I didn’t realize how bad I missed her until I saw her beautiful face. She tried not to pay attention to the pleading in my eyes that used to bring her to her knees. Instead she ignored me and called for Greg. “He little man are you ready.” “Yeeessss!” He yelled from the back and soon came running to the front door like an energizer bunny. “I’m readyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!........Hey dad.” He leaped into my arms and I held onto him for dear life. “Hey there buddy.” I carried him to the car while Lucy grabbed his bag. I figured since I had her alone this was the perfect moment to reach some time of communication with her.

  “Hey kid get in the car and let me talk to your mama really quick. Ok” He nodded, “Ok.” Greg took his bag from his mom gave her a kiss goodbye and hopped in the backseat. Lucy and I stood there in silence for a moment before I finally spoke. “Have you been doing ok?” She looked irritated by the sight of me but still answered. “Yeah.” I tried to be easy at first but I couldn’t resist the urgency that I was feeling. “Lucy I miss you like crazy…I hate not being with you and Greg…” It all came out so abruptly like air spewing out a popped balloon. She let me ramble on for few minutes before speaking. “I don’t know what you want me to say Grant.” She exhaled. I think she knew exactly what she wanted to say but couldn’t due to a child watching from the car window in deep anticipation. I decided to keep pushing her for hope that we still stood a chance of being to
gether. “I just want you to talk to me…and try to work this out.” “I don t think I can do that.” Her answers were cold and vague like she really didn’t want to be anywhere near me.

  I rubbed the back of my head in frustration. “If you won’t do it for us do it for Greg… it is going to be hard to explain a divorce to a five year old.” Lucy looked over at little Greg who seemed hurt and confused by what was going on and then looked back at me. “What do you want?” She asked firmly. “Counseling…Let’s talk to someone about this…and try to find some common ground. Are you willing to do that?” As much as I hated the idea of going to counseling it was my last hope at getting my wife back. She nodded. “Ok.” “Now Lucy I really think we should do this just….wait what?” I didn’t think I heard her right. She took a deep breath and said it again. “I said ok.” I was in complete shock, I didn’t expect her to agree so fast if at all. “Good. That’s good….I’ll set something up as soon as possible.” She nodded and with that walked back into her building, I returned to my car completely overjoyed. I knew I wasn’t out of the woods but progress is progress. “What happen dad?” My curious little boy was dying to know. I smiled at him brightly. “Mom and I just needed to talk.” Yes we needed to talk and I’m glad we did. I cranked the car up and drove me and my son home. Thank God she was willing, that’s all I needed. I bowed my head, Lord if you let me make this right, I won’t mess up again. I’ll be faithful, I’ll be supportive, and I’ll be everything she needs me to be. Just help me make it right. I silently prayed to myself.